everyone, it’s me, Reggie Queequeg, brand new Blastitude
columnist, here, in my first real web-zine job. I think
this magazine is some of the best music writing around,
which is sort of damning by faint praise I guess, what
with shit like Magnet, Chunklet, or Puncture-et around
these days. But Larry Dolman don’t play that game.
He keeps shit real, kna’mean? Here is some biographical
information about myself. I am an Australian living in
Minneapolis, I enjoy chain fights, and my stance on Weasel
Walter is “he’s a nice guy, except for the
bad directions he gave me to a party one time, but I know
they weren’t intentional because the Wolf Guys were
able to find the party just fine, it was all just because
I don’t know Chicago that well, and at least I got
to see a shooting that night.” Just so everyone
knows where I stand. I originally meant for there to be
more music reviews on here, but I find writing about music
to be a little bit boring. Shout outs and dedications
go to Silcock’s new seed, Fis, Clopez, Elvis DeMorrow,
Giggles, Mr. Motherfuckin’, Chauncey, Pastor Peace,
Jim “I love Michigan”, Prince, God, and U.
“Fuzz-O” Dolman left, Sir Reggie Queequeg
right. A match made in heaven!?
Trachiotomy “…w/ love from Tahiti” (Bulb
got this album without knowing anything about it, cause
Pete Larson said it was cool. I didn’t really like
it at first, cause Trach, as I like to shorten it to because
I am lazy, isn’t really rapping in a tight science
sort of way, he’s just kinda talking weird, and
you can’t really hear what he’s saying a lot
of the time, because the production is all weird-fi. But
after a few listenings it all makes sense. He actually
does sound like a guy with a Trachiotomy, I saw Sonny
Barger, former leader of the Hell’s Angels, on TV
the other night. His sloppy style is pretty great too,
he’s no ODB as far as turning slurring lyrics into
an art form, but there is still a charm to be had from
someone freestyling lyrics, and just mumbling when he
can’t think of what to say next. Trach has nothing
to prove. A true American Originial. Yeah, that’s
right, Originial! Fuck you.
the album seemed a little bit long, at an hour and 13
minutes, but the liner notes say “CAUTION: This
is ‘THE’ baby makin’ music.”,
and I wasn’t making any babies while I was listening.
But the notes also say this is for lovas of the 1 hr motel
variety, 1 min to check in, 58 minutes of play and 1 min
to check out. That’s an extra 13 minutes of music
on here, guess some tracks’ll have to be missed
while the love session’s on. The lyrics are good
for the sweet love though, like “along th’
coast”, which is about race cars. Another one good
for getting together with the wife for a night to forget
about the kids is “dropping the kids off at the
pool”, which has loud loops of a kid laughing loudly,
while Trach raps kind of like “wha do tha whe oo
owh asabindasohsfaquaraba”. Then the kid stops laughing
and it gets kinda dirty funky raunchy. So on a scale of
1 to 10, I’d say this album is pretty awesome.
One of these people is MC Trachiotomy.
(Maybe, I am not positive.)
["Dear Editor, MC Trachiotomy is the gent on the
left with his arm around the giraffe. If you'd care to
add to your ever-so-kind review, his web site is located
Thanks a bunch . . ."]
City Girls “live in concert," The Empty Bottle,
Crimewave/DJ Kevin Drumm/Wolf Eyes/Black Dice "live
in concert," The Abbey Pub, Chicago; November
15, or something like that, weekend 2002
Hooray! It was good to see the Sun City Girls, finally.
I had heard they were going to play the big De Stijl Fest
in Mpls, but then that ended up not happening, but it
was still an awesome show, and the best I’ve seen
the Wolf Eyes ever. John Olson cut my shoulder with his
shoe jumping into the crowd, so I was able to deal with
not seeing the Girls kick em on out. But I saw they were
playing in Chicago, and danced a little jig. I didn’t
know what to expect from them, but they ended up playing
the hits. That is, the hits off the Carnival Folklore
Resurections albums, but they mostly played songs, there
were only a few improv jams. “Helen Waite”,
“Opium Den”, “Me and Mrs. Jones”,
“My Friend Rain”, were all crowd pleasers,
as well as a great cover of “Alone Again Or”
by Love, which instrumentally was even better than the
version of Love playing with Arthur Lee now! The vocals
were better as well, really, because Arthur had laryngitis
when I saw him, but he was still really good. Oh, and
the SCG also played an instrumental jam based off “Radar
Love” as their first encore song! Yeah! Special
thanks goes to some members of a certain Chicago based
avant boogie spunk frat band for the cigarette that makes
you laugh, as the French call it, in French.
the show I went to a restaurant in Boy’s Town with
some people. Me and my friend Ted were in the trunk of
a car, smoking the pipe that makes you laugh! This town
day was the big Wolf Eyes/Black Dice show at the Abbey
Pub. Plastic Crimewave opened, they were pretty ok. They
weren’t horrible, but I wasn’t horribly impressed
by them either. But the magazine that the Plastic Crimewave
guy does is awesome, it’s called Galactic Zoo Dossier,
and Drag City is putting it out now. But musically it
was just sort of basic rock and roll, with some synth
noodling. DJ Kevin Drumm played between sets, he played
good shit, like a techno CD and the Wigmaker
CD by To Live and Shave in LA at the same time. It sounded
like Tom Smith singing in a techno song, awesome! Then
the Wolf Eyes went on, and were great as always, but sounded
better than I’ve ever heard them, the sound system
was amazing. There was this one song with a great low
bass warble thing in it that shook your entire body for
about 3 seconds each time it went off. Black Dice were
next and destroyed too, and once again myself and members
of the aforementioned band and I smoked some of the cigar
that makes you laugh. Black Dice are a very hard band
to describe, but I guess newer Boredoms is the best reference
point, but they are more “sound scapey” maybe,
just buy the damn Beaches and Canyons album.
Or have your friend tape it for you if you’re super
poor, or a cheap asshole.
photograph of the Sun City Girls playing in Chicago
Goad, The Redneck Manifesto
I was a little bit intimidated by Jim Goad’s reputation
from reading many of his previous writings. No, not that
he would beat me up or anything like that. It is because
he is Extremely Smart, and A Very Talented Writer. Of
course, you won’t hear information like this in
the mainstream media. You need to go right to the Source
for that one. Jim Goad. Or, if you need another source,
how bout Maximum Rock And Roll, who called Jim Goad “God”.
Now shut up. Anyways, I was thinking, “If I criticize
him, what if he writes me an angry letter or e-mail where
he just, like, totally shuts me down? He can rip me apart
with his Vicious Verbiage!” But then I read the
back cover of his new book, Shit Magnet, and
I found out that he wrote that he “just may be the
nicest guy on earth”. Sweet, he should be able to
take some criticism then! And I'll bet he gives hugs too!
The nicest people on earth who I have met know that there’s
nothing effeminate about giving hugs!
Anyway, this book
really is worth reading, many interesting facts are brought
up which I did not know before, like indentured servitude
was as bad as slavery. I had previously thought of it
more along the lines of being just ‘a little bit
better than slavery’. Goad did do his homework on
this one; there are plenty of footnotes. I do sort of
get tired of his constant strident, defensive tone though.
He spends lots of time speaking to the reader as if they
were trying to convince him that reparations for slavery
should be made by all white people. C’mon Jim, I
have never met anyone who has thought this was a feasible
or reasonable idea. And I am sure the people who do will
never read your book.
My biggest problem
with Jim though, is his hatred of egg salad sandwiches.
They are berated twice during the book, once as being
the food New Age rich hippies eat, and once as being food
that Country Club people eat. Where does this come from?
I can’t find the exact quotes at the moment, due
to the lack of an index in the book (which really would
have been nice, that’s another complaint), but I
believe that the country quote club was something along
the lines of his mom worked at some country club cleaning
up the crusts from egg salad sandwiches that the rich
people would toss. Hey, I was poor growing up, and we
DID have egg salad sandwiches now and then, eggs are not
that expensive. And since then, I’ve been to a few
fancy catered events, and they have never had egg salad
sandwiches. Therefore, fuck you and your anti-egg salad
remarks Jim. Oh, am I upsetting you by calling you on
your bigotry? Do I offend you? I make you fucking sick
Jim! I am the never-ending flow of blood from your rectum,
one of those broken fingers that just won’t heal,
an pulsating destructive mind force overload crushing
everything you thought you knew about your paltry little
universe! Ok, that’s cool; we can agree to disagree,
red-neckeds having fun...RED-NECKED STYLE!
Gone Wild “College Girls Exposed”
It’s been all over the news lately, college
girls are going WILD. They are getting TOTALLY NAKED,
RAW and UNCENSORED. Yes, these ladies are getting COMPLETELY
NUTS at the WILDEST PARTIES in the UNITED STATES. So I
was happy to get to finally see Girls Gone Wild. It was
pretty surprising, I thought I knew what this program
would be like, but there were actually many surprises
in store. For one thing, not all the girls yell “Whooo!”
when exposing their breasts, only about 10% do. Most of
the WET AND WACKY SPRING BREAK REVELERS are very business-like
about the whole thing, after flashing their boobs they
are just like, “Alright, give me my beads”.
They seemed really impressed by the quality of the Girls
Gone Wild guy’s beads, which I must admit were cool.
They were sort of like tropical necklaces, and some of
them had hearts, clovers, or pot leaves on them. It wasn’t
just boobs that were flashed though, the GGW crew really
wanted to see vag and ass too. “Show me your bush!”
they would say, and quite a few PETITE YOUNG TEENS OF
ALL SIZES were willing to comply, even if they were shaved,
which is apparently a popular fetish these days. I don’t
see what’s so great about a woman’s cooch
looking like it belongs to a 3 year old, but I guess it
keeps the pervs from trying to fuck my prepubescent daughters.
Quite a few of these CRAZY COEDS were willing to show
their asses, but a couple of them were unwilling to take
off their pants at all, citing “I’m on the
rag”, and “I’m having feminine problems
right now”, but one girl showing her ass had a tampon
string visible. You have to admire her for being a real
Anyways, I wasn’t
all to impressed with Girls Gone Wild, but I still have
to be happy that it exists because of the thought of some
guy at home jerking it and seeing his daughter or sister
as a WILD COLLEGE GIRL GOING APESHIT ON CAMERA!
COLLEGE COEDS getting CRAZY
band that played at my parent’s church on a Sunday
was one of the biggest musical surprises I’ve heard
in a while, not what I was expecting at all. Protestant
churches generally play either traditional organ and piano
music, or worse, they have a ‘praise band’,
which usually ends up sounding like a watered down Dave
Mathews Band, with heavy emphasis on acoustic rhythm guitar
and tambourines. Pretty lame shit. But last time I was
at my parents church the high school kids they had playing
the music with the singing were really interesting. It
was acoustic rhythm guitar, as usual, but then a bass
player, a drummer playing in a kind of surf style, a violin
player, and a guitar player who did Grateful Dead-style
lead guitar lines. It sounded pretty damn good, they were
mostly playing along with Christmas songs too. They also
did a really cool jam thing during the passing of the
offering plates. I think this nameless band is probably
the best Christian rock band ever.
a praise band, or a Pedro The Lion concert,
I'm not sure which.
A while ago, I came up with the idea of writing
t-shirt reviews, and thought “Alright, a totally
original idea!” Later I found out that Bananafish
had already done this in an early issue. However, I still
have not seen this issue, so my mental slate for this
endeavor is still fairly clean. If you think that I am
in some way not being original, you should probably stop
reading Blastitude altogether, as many people have already
written record reviews before.
the skull! The Angry Skull kicking over a fucking table,
and yelling out HAIR POLICE! However, unless you have
the excellent Blow Out Your Blood album, you probably
won’t be able to read the band name, always a good
way to instigate conversations with members of the opposite,
or same for that matter, sex. “What’s your
shirt say?” “Hair Police” “Oh,
one of my friends gets their hair cut there” “No,
it’s a band from Kentucky”. SUCCESS! Another
aspect I like about the shirt is that you can’t
really tell if the skull is kicking or falling back from
the table. It is a mystery. I for one, think this skull
is a really cool character and would like to see a comic
about it. He looks like he would have lots of great adventures.
Flag “Police Story”
is probably one of the coolest shirts I own. And one of
my favorite Pettibon drawings. A cop with a gun in his
mouth, the assailant shouting “Make me come faggot!”
However, I really don’t wear this shirt too much,
as it always makes me paranoid, especially given the current
status of cops as heroes, because some NY cops died during
9-11. So, I am afraid a cop will get pissed off when he
sees me in this shirt, and arrest me, possibly kicking
my ass or macing me in the process. (Minneapolis cops
are very brutal, and a friend of mine’s graduation
party last year was busted, leading to nearly everyone
at the party getting arrested for “resisting arrest”,
as well as some getting maced or beat up) Also, I occasionally
enjoy fumasing of la yerba, as they say down south, and
it sort of seems like a Probable Cause shirt. More intelligent
than a “Bad Cop No Donut” bumper sticker,
but I think the average cop would be even more adverse
to this shirt. So I usually wear this one under a button
down shirt. But it’s still a great image, and like
the Hair Police shirt, somewhat mysterious. What does
the guy with the gun look like? Is it a hippie? A punker?
Or the skull from the Hair Police shirt. It is questions
like this that bolster the current Blastitude theory that
Hair Police are the new Black Flag.
year when the Suaves played in Mpls, I was very low on
money, and was saddened not to be able to buy this awesome
t-shirt. Luckily, they recently played again, and I was
able to get it. My favorite band t-shirts are ones that
aren’t obviously for a band. And this one is damn
stylish too! Unfortunately, the “25” on mine
is now missing some buttons. I think some of them might
have fallen off during the show, or maybe Pete Larson
was trying to rip me off, taking advantage of my drunken
state at the time. He WAS kinda snorting when he sold
it to me, as if implying I was high on coke, which I wasn’t.
That son of a bitch! But I was thrashing forth quite rockingly
that night, so I will give him the benefit of the doubt,
and try to see if any of my arts and crafts friends have
a stud puncher thing, and I can get mine repaired. These
t-shirt reviews are some of the best writing I’ve
ever done, I think.
Web-Pix (short for ‘picks’, not ‘pictures’)
See, this is why I don’t even bother writing about
music most of the time on here, Prindle’s got shit
under control. And he is funny as hell. His interactive
web site is great for when you know Blue Oyster Cult’s
awesome, but don’t know which albums to get, and
also enjoy hearing jokes about Chuck Berry watching girls
take a shit. It’s a great guide for music by everyone
from Bloodrock, to the Monkees, to Michael Nesmith, to
Ween, to the Zipcode Rapists, to the BeeGees, who are
special celebrity guest reviewed by Gregg Turkington!
Actually, he doesn’t have EVERYONE on here, but
he updates it often, and seems to keep on new releases
that we can’t wait to hear about, like Tori Amos.
Hey, it’s Cupcake’s Super Kewl Webpage! I
won’t give away too much about this site, mainly
because I’m not sure exactly what the deal is with
it, but it seems to be some sort of school art project
which developed a life of it’s own. It has a really
weird, totally great aesthetic sense. And it has adventures
which feature a perverted man dressed up as a dog.
A blog, which I guess is like a livejournal, of America’s
Greatest Writer, writing. Writing about important things,
like whether Avril Lavigne is punk or not, and Orwell.
The Official Web Site of the 3 Doctors band, a great source
of information about one of the Nation’s Top Bands.
(the nation being the United States, not the magazine)
And they aren’t broken up any more, they have all
new members! It’s going to be awesome, like a Doug
Yule’s Velvet Underground, or Creedence Clearwater
Revisited, only with ONE LESS ORIGINAL MEMBER! And do
you like pop-up ads for THE WORLD’S LARGEST CASINO?
Cause this website has got ‘em!
All about putpocketing! The opposite of pickpocketing!
What a great concept!
The guy is, how you say, prolific????