of Time Travel from Twin Towers of Babel
(a 21st Century Trans-Atlantic telephone
NYOUKIS: Let's talk about the Burmese Bilu?? You ever get
invited to cast any away with your holy racket??
Yeah I got a commodities magnet over there with her own Nat
Troupe and I'm now an honorary member with my bro and a golden
twinkie. We perform cuz word got out that we CAN. Never let
'em down, in another, more casual gawk, we always buy $4 guitars
when we arrive and hold delicate court on dirt porches when
we head to the highlands. If I was more of a whiskey drinkin'
funeral pyre like I used to be, I'd say I can't remember it
all, but every time we play a shrapnel blog-o-hotel california
or rites in black satan, the whiskey flows and word spreads
to the next town that we're comin'. Clears a path wider than
a phoney "mass gravesite" in Germany. Ya really
gotta come over and see how they treat kindly like and make
ya feel balmy. I'm negotiating purchasing an old British chummery
from one of the generals and I may need your throat logic
to pull it off.
I just wanna wear a kilt and slug on some nasty Laphroaig
single malt and go to the NAT festival, how'd you think that'd
utilikilt would be nice. I'm one-ninth Scottish and you can
wager there'd be NO KIP at the Nat fest, 72 hours non-stop
multiplied by the 60 simultaneous venues, thats what? 4500
hours of the greatest show on earth? Who's gonna read this?
handful of pot smoking grongos.
should shut up. I only saw 3 white people there last year!
There's-a-plenty-opossum be lookin' up that kilt! Some pretty
ever come across any Thaye??
got an appointment with a Lhasa brothel master next year.
I showed up once and it was early. At least I had frequent
flyer miles. Had to book it way in advance. I've basically
thrown out all my booze but I still pretend I can chug with
jimmys who give good advice. You gave me some good advice
once.....what was it?
think it was 'Let children eat dirt'? Or no, wasn't it that
you should slick your hair like Dicky Loeb?
I think ya told me not to steal the "mysterious blue
soups of the south"! Or was it . . . "stay away
from Herod's cuz theres an explosive sale goin' on"!
What about our lovely Lady Diana, what's yr take on that bag?
land mine was a looker, alright! She hooked-up an incubator
to her foxhole and gave away the keys to her Pugeout, a costly
"backseat" move. Dodi Amin Dada fucked her wrong.
Disraeli had to kill her and strapped her arab foetus to a
tunnel median, blamed it all on the ghost of Robert Frank.
If all them glossy fashion rags weren't printed on dried Rothschild
semen hankies, they'd never sell! Chicks dig the long ball.....I
heard that BORAT ALI G wanted to do Dodi's Daddy on TV? Is
no Borat action, it was an appearance on the Ali G chatshow,
Old man Arab was escorted onto the sofa with thick black ghetto
honeys, Ali G got him to rap at the end if my memory recalls.
He owns the Fulham football club in London, I heard one of
the players say that before big matches Fayed will come in
to the dressing rooms and go on and on about the Fulham players
having big, big, manly bollocks. How do the Sun City Girls
that little eavesdrop was a fly on our wall, he'd get extra
parts to sell to an Italian club. One of us gotta left dick,
one's gotta third boulder, on loan from a conga player, and
one of us was born with a third lung.
a nice little package you boys got.
trade 'em around, especially the lung since our smoking habits
are a bit demanding. As for size, we had to chop 'em down
crudely without anesthetic at the Bilderberger meeting a few
years back cuz Rumsfeld's mouth was too small and we wanted
to parade our whole packages down into his one-way throat!!
We shoulda left 'em AS IS to face-fuck a few lizards we've
met since, their open jaws need some simultaneous incarnate
pointers about the NEW WORLD ORDER!
KGB old dough is now being pumped into english football by
russian oligarch. It's all good, Papa Voodoo.
of soccer, Manchester United is playing a few exhibition matches
over here right now. Why do they bother?
guess the UK just has this old maternal feeling to teach its
old colonies about a proper sport, none of this pigskin or
bat and ball crud. Man U are a bunch of pancreas shit shovellers.
I believe that they will be playing my team Glasgow Celtic
in Seattle. Now what I want to know is will you do me the
favour of turning up outside the stadium and playing "Bobby
I show up in front of stadiums, the terror alert raises to
the next level!
Tell me about those hot steaming nights in NYC late last year.
I heard you got the kids all spooned out.
feel sorry for all them giblets, not only did we refuse rehearsing
for months before departure but we sent 3 dudes out there
in our place who pulled it off without a hitch.
said to myself when I saw some snaps, doesn't anyone notice
that there is no black men on the stage?
one even noticed the difference except a couple of 'em bitched
that there were no weapons of mass destruction.
heard you got some Harry Pottymouth hecklers?
some girlie whose papa works for the CIA started mis-reading
the voodoo. My uncle used to work for the CIA and he told
me that most agents aren't even qualified to sharpen my pencils.
about the City of Angels??
Troubador didn't advertise a lick! A small crowd but big fun.
Britney Spearchucker's limo tried to pass our van in the alley
behind the club but she wouldnt fit! Ricardo made em back
up and go around. Met Eddie Flowers that night, he was cool,
and Donald Jackson filmed us. Fuck L.A., though. They waste
space and make the earth too heavy. Besides, Darby Crash is
DEAD! Did you go there when you toured? Was it better for
we only did the east side of the empire. Would love to pop
into L.A. for a couple of days though. Maybe try and find
old hoot Gerber, though she is probably baking cookies in
the mid-west now, daydreaming about Donny Rose's fat, long,
wonderous tool. Now there was a weapon of mass destruction.
I heard that Rick Ross was brought in to try and release Gocher
from the Sun City cult.
right, "tried" is the word. He'd never go willingly,
it's like pulling a venus fly trap out by thee roots. Some
TRY to resort to spells but we got all that covered. John
Travolta was scared shitless!
showed him the Hubbard was bare?
pointed out that his nipples were inverted!
ever think about sleeping with Cathy O'Brien?
whats yr take on her mind-controlled sex-slave theory?
retribution spans several incarnations so she must of pissed
off something or someone awhile ago to place her in the clutches
of the elitist occult debaucherers! When fucked-up shit happens
to people, they deserve it! I ain't chompin on the carrot
of empathy, world leaders have harnessed sex slaves for centuries,
it's still quite common and most people are clueless. If the
Cathy O'Brien tale is a fib, there are plenty factual ones
to take its place!
I heard that former Second Lady Marilyn Quayle is declaring
Jihad against the sex ritual that is the Pap Smear.
be the result of her insurance bill going unpaid cuz she couldn't
hire a competent paper pusher! Her gynecologist must be Richard
Gere! Some people are above the law! Do people always ask
you: "Where do you get all this weird information?...on
when I spew forth this information to friends it's been a
long night and drinks have been taken, so I reckon they can't
even understand my archaic tongue. You seem to be doing surprisingly
ok, must be yr one ninth quality blood. I drank some Argentinian
Malbec and covered side B of "Tubular Bells" in
an evening or two, it's a fucking haze.
that the side where Mikey says: "Acoustic guitar and
introducing ELECTRIC GUITAR!"....No I think that's side
that's side A. On the upcoming split Seymour has Babs Manning
introducing office supplies, it's real kinky. Old fart Oldfield
has Basil Fawlty doing the intros on his new 30th anniversary
re-do, since old Bonzo Dog bozo karked it.
bring back the Alan Stivell Orchestra! I like his Celtic Symphony,
makes me long for a Scottish lass I fell in love with. She
used to handfeed Highland cattle, their mucus gets all over
yer hands real sexy like, them longhairs!....I had to leave
her for a SCG tour I foolishly scheduled a light year ago.
I still got her undergarments.
love the way Scottish lassies get mucus all over your hands.
Anyway the reason I brought up the "Tubular Bells"
cover was I wanted to know how you limber yr muscles for the
think I'm still in love with Linda Blair at 13 years old and
she singlehandedly inspires me to sing Edda's parts and have
the patience for the choral arrangements. It's all for her.
time honoured muse she surely is.
love the vibe of certain Morricone tracks so much that it
becomes effortless to do them because I'm in love with them.
One is Linda Blair and one is Ornella and one is Bardot. Have
you been in my time machine yet? I'll take you there, they
wait for us, they knew we'd be back.
recently read a theory that you can only go as far back as
when the first time machine was invented.
makes sense to me, when was that?
if I know. Did you read about that Wall Street trader who
is getting busted for inside trading? He is claiming to be
a time traveller from the 23rd century. Within two weeks he
had turned $800 into $350 million.
close to what we should get on our September 10th United Airlines
put options which the CIA hasn't paid out yet to OSAMA, that
fuck owes us so much money that he'll probably borrow it from
Saddam to keep us happy! We won't be flyin' out to play them
cave festivals in the Hindu Kush ever again! Osamie's henchmen
keep complaining about our cameramen and then he defaults
on our take of the door! Fuckin' AL QAEDA!
blew smoke up Oueen Elizabeth's ass, said they were gonna
take out Gadaffi. Threw a stinkbomb at him in 1996, but nada.
Colonel's got 9 LIVES.
of his sons plays for Italian football team Perugia, he has
lovely legs. I keep having wheezing flatliner bozos muttering
in my ear about the 100's of hours of film that SCG have made,
gonna be flippin' DVDs like frisbees right quick now and I'll
be damned if every hackysack fuckstick won't be inside watchin',
it's better than a noose around the neck.
I just hope you stay true to betamax, Brother Ape.
like your new
website, when's the "global bourbon download"
waiting on Bad Ronald to install the non-ventilated listening
booth. Let's talk movies. What happened with yr invite into
Laird Henn-Korine's crack-shack?
was waitin' for him to come out! HE's the one who called US!
Then his house burned down.
he WILL come out but I ain't holdin' my breath. I been too
busy since the 1950s!
flick was it you were supposed to be doing the soundtrack
for, the guy who gets hit by lightning 3 times and becomes
obsessed with growing the world's biggest pig, the size of
a small horse I believe, or the one with BMXing, skydiving
had a title, but it's the one about the PIG. Have you heard
for some long time, last I heard he was all "sand nigger
this, sand nigger that," he had an air rifle which he
used to take pot shots at immigrants from his Granny's roof.
producer's gonna get us an expense account at Cannes so we
can show the French what "Anti-American" is all
play the Star Spangled Banner backwards and I will shit on
Strom Thurmond's corpse while I set fire to Ann Coulter's
Stars & Stripes thong.
also play "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" SIDEWAYS
and then we could all piss in the swank cafe coke syrup cannisters,
at $10 a glass, them yanks oughtta get somethin' out of it!
would no doubt be greeted by the usual Gallic shrug, damn
frogs. Tell me about "Piasa" & "Juggernaut,"
no one I know has seen them and there is some fanboy grumblings
that they may not exist.
AB: "Juggernaut" was finished in 1994 and I have
some copies. It's a 30 minute film shot in Kiev I think. I
actually like it! Mark Roman Bodnar was the director, haven't
heard from him since. "Piasa" is like "Dulce,"
haven't been finished I suppose. I have the working footage
for both. We do music so we put it out. We did OUR part. We
don't fuck around. That's why I hate being called an artist
or musician, cuz most of 'em take a lifetime to get one idea
together. We go out and hustle our OWN fuckin' money and put
shit out on our own without a boss or a funding grant, no
executive producer telling us what to do. There ain't a soul
who could direct us anyway. Wouldn't have a clue, like Bambi
comin' into a den of predators. We'd eat them alive!
the Piasa some kind of mid-western demon gloob?
a pterodactyl with hair that ate small children in the riparian
environment of what is now Southern Illinois near the cliffs
of the Mississippi River. There are still cave paintings of
the beast you can find if you go.
got a couple of letters here from gob-lips, you mind if I
apply their probes??
Munter wants to know if there is any plans to re-release the
"Princess Nicotine" LP.
anytime soon....besides I got 34 more editions!
what about the "Sun City Girls," "Grotto of
Miracles," I can only assume this is one of Mr. Munter's
favourites as the writing gets quite exciting here and the
paper has some noxious stains, oh, and "Horse Cock Phepner"???
I clear out my original sealed LP copies at top dollar on
ebay, then we'll think about it! It's a buyer's market at
the moment so he gunna have ta wait! I need to hustle money
so I can't be called "an artist." Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
some dweeb called Governor Chavez would like to know what
you did on C. Gocher Jr.'s birthday on last year's tour??
Why? I have no idea.
was drivin' thru Cali, we got a shortwave in the van. Had
a blowout near Modesto. I was talkin' to Peter from Negativland
on an experimental cell phone that afternoon, they're testin'
it so I gave it a whirl. Charlie and I navigated thru fog
that night with Bollywood tunes blowin' out the speakers!
Smoked some cigarettes.
Eared Buffon would like to know what's yr swivel on the Neti-Neti-Band
. . .
Neti-Neti band is a Talisman, a shifting vehicular, it just
spun through Iceland!
old Cloth Ears here seems to think it's you and the boys doing
hootin' and falutin' behind that little oriental pin-up Kang.
NETI-NETI is a shifting paradigm of players and slayers. We
hang around a bit. No concrete here, only bamboo! So should
we mention "Suga: da other white fuck"?
I guess this is just some heavily funded Catsup Plate advertisement
right? What should we speak of first?
C-Plate did such a fine job with yer solo "shield"
slab, thats a GREAT record, I don't care WHAT the authorities
you go. You're heating my Scotch Eggs.
"Sugar," I think it's only a few weeks after its
release that one of us'll be tossed in a detainment camp for
subliminal DNA reprogramming of selected individuals. Genetic
engineering and listening to LPs has never been linked until
guess I let the cat-outta-the-BAG! You got any prisoner facilities
in the British countryside empty and awaiting those who love
vinyl DNA to be incarcerated?
whole of Scotland except Glasgow, Edinburgh and the white
trash in between is empty, a few sheep shaggers and that,
but a nice detainment camp.
you have the death penalty for "vinyl DNA engineering"
may suck on the teat of Bumble Bush but them Nazi proteins
ain't quite transferred from that mama milk. So tell the kids
what the deal is with Korine's contribution to "side
call up and leave these smokey Appalachian fungus ballads
on my answering machine and as I remember, there's two of
'em propped-up in there on side B. They are exquisite! He
was gonna fly out and record but that's before he went into
hiding. He may be a better songsmith than a filmmaker.
am hoping if this baby sells well we can get some funding
for our "Soundtrack to the Voynich Manuscript."
the manuscript really is 7 X 10 and 235 pages, sounds like
a limited release of 235 with a page pasted on each cover.
It'll pay for itself. Nothing is sacred, especially shit ya
with yo fascination with Patton and System of the Down? You
into Rock Opera?
Patton, I like the first Faith No More LP, I believe I have
been mind controlled. As for System Of A Down, I like their
bad facial hair, their weak anti-establishment stance and
their 12 year old girl fans.
just saw one the other night...LIVE!
12 year old girl?
was eleven goin' on 45!....No gravity....HEY, I hear you're
readin' "Gravity's Rainbow"?
hobo Drew Demeter who passed through left it here. I ain't
tucked into it yet, been busy expanding my spandex mind reading
the Mötley Crüe biography. Hell I would love to
see Gocher kick Tommy Lee's ass, though strangely enough I
could see Mick Mars in your band. You ever read any Willy
but I wanna read "The Royal Family." I'm sure I
know a few of his subjects.
have a garbled hunch that you would be well versed in the
cabbie buddy of mine in SF said he was pokin' around for the
"hip-fog swirl" hooker rumoured to be in residence
there. Vollman tips well!
heard he has a fat mushroom tip.
speakin' of tips, I know ya put up Algiers Chadly when he
visited....did he tell ya the story about him and his fiancé
gettin' bit by monkeys while they were apart halfway around
the world? He was in Marrakesh and she in Asia, at the same
time! Sound like TRUE LOVE??????
like bad luck, Chadly is a hunk.
I almost forgot to ask you . . .
David Icke REALLY Scott Walker?
is a clueless fuckywit. I remember him from when I was a kid,
presenting sports on TV, then he pulled out his Jew-whooping
stick and started getting all green lizard on our ass. Is
Scott Colburn REALLY George Martin?
was never into BLACK METAL!
am kinda intrigued to what you and Rick's high school years
was like, was it obvious to all around you from early on that
you were fucking lumbering kooks?
to those we terrorized. We had access to everything. We were
hustling goods in high school. Our family owned an ARMY and
NAVY surplus store and we started a black market trading gig
at school selling Italian knives, bomber jackets, cans of
mace, billy clubs and black jacks. We'd buy records with the
loot, or steal 'em if clerks were lax! Those were the days
you could cut classes all the time and not get penalized for
it. All that time on our hands to fuck shit up!
kinda shit were you taking with the five fingered discount??
name it. We could walk out of a news stand with 10 items each.
We ran a small inventory out of closets at home.
wore those long, thick tube socks. 3 mags or books around
each leg and 4 more around the waist under an oversized shirt.
No fuckin' barcodes goin' off at the door back then!
shrinkage" was high in Saginaw circa 1970, as high as
the murder rate. We'd walk into a department store and if
no one was manning the record section, just grab a big shopping
bag from behind the counter and start dumpin' LPs in the bag,
walk out when it was full. We'd steal anything at any time,
we were in business before we were teenagers, turnin' and
BURNIN'! It killed the boredom but it became routine, and
SO easy. We've paid for it since in many ways. Quit all that
shit by the time we were 17.
of many rites of passage, live and learn. Now I watch the
tax collectors steal from me everyday!
is the first music you can remember bending your mind??
"bending" came in stages. At first it was the fucked-up
munchkin music from the Wizard of OZ and then...JIMI FUCKING
who was the baddest in high school? You or our kid?
were both outsiders but Rick was more outgoing. He got a bit
popular his last year when he started playin' guitar. A little
Ted Nugent went a long way! The roles reversed a few years
later....he became more reclusive and still is. We never really
TRIED to be BAD, we were clever.
ever attend any high school reunions?
I could never justify the cost of flyin' to Michigan and be
subjected to whatever awaits at those gatherings. I'd get
bored FAST and start shootin' me mouth off! Nuthin' but trouble.
ever see the Sun City Poms perform their geriatric gymnastics?
but I got one of their calendars. Now I think most of them
submit photo galleries to the Huns' yellow pages.
I heard that you record absolutely everything, where you keep
all the tapes??
everything. Tapes and masters and backups are spread around.
I need some cheap Venezuelan assistants to help me.
wouldn't care about the music and they'd get the job done.
Its all getting too difficult to control and catalogue. I
like the Venezuelans. I might be able to trust them.
student who tried to unify the pro and anti-Chavez camps with
a football match was later detained by secret police and had
his fingernails torn out, maybe he's your man?
was thinkin' females who know nothin 'bout music OR football!
Drew said the "Bring Me The Head of Nick Cain" comp
is almost done, when will the Decaer Pingpong tour dates manifest?
roo-roo is out of my hands now, I just compiled the smut,
hell it shaped up good, a free flowing fart of mostly beat
free short wave radio appreciating hobos & spiritual grease-paint
grongos. What do you remember of the SCG cuts?
is usually the case after I farm out a comp cut or two....It's
a surprise when it's done cuz I can't remember what I sent.
You got some creepy little farm country in the north, ever
take a ride out to SUMMERISLE?
no, I do like to beat the apple trees though, and cooking
a copper can't be a bad thing.
ya hear that Hollywood is makin' the WICKER MAN again set
Coppal slug prick Cage in the lead, I hope something goes
wrong with the stunts and he's burned alive in a huge wicker
penis, like they do to pedophiles over here.
we could only HOPE! Somehow the whole epic plot will default
and they'll parade Cagey through the downtown streets of Dallas
and snipe him from the gutter, Bush-league style! HEY...who
killed KENNEDY? Any of 'em or all? Thought since you were
UK, ya might have a better source cuz Mick Jagger seemed to
know a while back, then he blamed it on YOU and ME.
heard that Jagger got them construction workers to stick a
Haitian chocolate bar up Brian Jones's corpse's anus, turned
him into a zombie, and Jagger sent him back in a time machine
to do the nasty.
explains it!...What's your favorite cigarette?
no smokey, try to keep my white lungs pure, that way my body
can concentrate all its replenishing energies on the liver
and kidneys. The Native Americans done you hoodlums in good
with that pipe of piss, now the Africans have the electric
Ju-Ju on y'all.
sure hope so....Waitin' for it to kick-in!
B & Dylan Nyoukis "SUGAR: The Other
White Meat" LP should be out any moment
on Catsup Plate. www.catsupplate.com